Things I want to remind myself

( a draft from last month )

I owe you an apology and a bottle of Fanta. Or it’s Spaghetti you will like? (o fe spaghetti?).

Anyway, I’ve been away for too long and here I am, with no polished excuse, some words, and maybe little clarity.

These past weeks have been… a lot. I guess we all have weeks like that. The kind where you laugh in one moment, moved to tears in the next, and then wonder if you should just order ice cream and sharwama when in reality, the only luxury you can afford is sleep. I questioned my sanity at several points and even thought it might be depression but is that even considered a Nigerian illness? 😅. I’ve been stretched, amused, overwhelmed, and grateful; sometimes all in the same day.

And in the middle of all that, I kept running into her; a woman I almost didn’t recognize in my “hurry”. Sometimes by the sink. Sometimes in the water puddle on my street. Once by the sliding doors at the chicken seller’s shop. She kept showing up, always trying to hold a conversation. But I wouldn’t listen. I told myself I didn’t have the time, but the truth? I was avoiding confrontation. But the paradox that life is? The more I ignored, the more persistent she was. Eyes trailing, presence lingering, she knew I couldn’t outrun her forever and I knew this too, so on Wednesday, I stopped to meet her gaze for the first time. She was familiar.

I finally let her speak and here’s what she said -

1. Don’t always play the victim.

   In one of the daily stoics emails I received this week, one line really stood out to me - “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. So I was shocked when she said this. Was the universe really trying to tell me something? I was going to start defending myself but that just validated her point. Sure, there are bad days and maybe you want to talk about it sometimes but why dwell in it and let it define you? Have you quickly forgotten the good days too?

   This is in no way to trivialize or deny the hurt you feel but a reminder to not live in it forever. It’s where you rest for a bit, not where you settle down.

2. 

   Whyyyy?

   I ran several sprints last week and the weeks before; not with my legs though, but with every excuse I could find (yet I’m still unfit). What was even chasing me? What was I running from? I didn’t have answers then, but now I’d say it was just an excuse to avoid confrontation.

   I dodged calls, avoided eye contact, ducked conversations, and sidestepped moments that might sting or feel too heavy. Best in staying busy so I wouldn’t have to sit with discomfort? Na me. I didn’t want to overthink, hurt or even sit still long enough for the noise in my head to catch up. So I kept running from it all, pretending the hustle was enough to drown out the hard stuff.

   True, stepping back in the face of discomfort is self-care and sometimes the wisest thing to do but it doesn’t shrink what you’re avoiding, it only delays it.

   And you can’t run forever. Hell, I get tired just thinking about running.

3. Don’t overthink it!

   I’m always thinking about everything. If I should do things this way. What people will say. If the video is perfect enough to post. Whether people will even like it. It’s like my brain holds committee meetings for every single move I make.

   And of course, we held one for this very post.

   But here’s the thing: all that overthinking hasn’t really saved me from embarrassment or failure - it has just kept me stuck, editing life in my head instead of living it. Most of the “what ifs” I stress over never even happen, and even when they do, they’re rarely as bad as my mind made them out to be. Sometimes the bravest thing isn’t another round of planning but just to do the damn thing. Post the video. Send the message. Show up, even with sweaty palms.

4. Speak more, you have the loveliest voice.

   I sing, sometimes, but this is not about that voice. It’s about the one I’ve kept mute because I want others to speak. Or because I’ve gotten too used to listening. Or because it’s much easier to listen than to speak. I’d say I don’t have the right words; sometimes that’s true. But other times, it’s really the courage to be heard that I don’t possess. The fear of judgment that inebriates me. I don’t want to choke on all these unspoken words.

5. Give yourself grace.

   In the midst of all the running, overthinking, speaking up and even showing your edge, it’s easy to forget the most important person in the equation; YOU.

   So give yourself grace. For the moments you doubted yourself. For the times you stayed quiet when your voice deserved to be heard. For the missteps, the messy decisions, the overthinking spirals. For surviving even when nothing went as planned.

   It doesn’t translate to excusing everything instead, I’m telling you to acknowledge that you’re human, that growth isn’t linear and that being imperfect is part of the process. Celebrate your wins, even the tiny ones. Laugh at yourself. Sit with the discomfort without judgment. Breathe.

   Because here’s the truth: life will challenge you, push you, and sometimes break your calm but the person you need to hold gently through it all is you. Be bold, be soft, be wicked, be calm. But above all, be gracious with yourself.

There. I think that’s all of what she said, I thought you might want to hear too and I’m sorry again for staying away for too long.

 It means a lot that you read this! If you enjoyed it, please feel free to share with friends. 🤗